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Found
this great article written By Ted Spiker. I eliminated
all of the advertising for easier reading.
The best places to have sex...
To charge up your sex life, you can change the woman--or
the setting. Your job is to take care of the woman.
Ours is to proudly introduce the 34 top places to get
naked
If men weren't great explorers, we never would have
found America, the Rockies, or scrambled porn on channel
99. So why should our entire sex life always take place
in the same spot? Nothing against the 5-foot-by-7-foot
package of coiled springs you'll be bouncing on tonight,
but we believe every man should act on his inherent
urge to conquer new territory. The benefit: A sex life
with more imagination is one with more satisfaction.
So here's our list of the world's best places to fool
around. Try some of our suggestions (discreetly, please;
bail isn't in our 2001 - 2005 budget). Or just use them
as inspiration to make a list of your own.
-
HAMMOCK
The King Size Mayan Hammock is 13 feet long, holds
up to 600 pounds of thrashing bodies, and is hand-woven
from cotton into a diamond-weave pattern that conforms
to your shape. And there's enough room for a couple
to lie down crosswise. That reduces your chances of
tipping over at the worst possible time.
- FITNESS EQUIPMENT Though we can think of several
hundred kinky things to do with a calf-raise machine,
our vote for most sexual piece of fitness equipment
is a large Swiss ball. Why? The ball can actually
help improve your depth of penetration, if you're
in the right position. Try this: Sit on the ball and
have her straddle you, facing away from you. Hold
her hips for balance, and use the rocking motion of
the ball to thrust in and out of her from behind.
Do one set of at least 50 repetitions. Be courteous:
Wipe your sweat off the ball when you finish your
set.
-
HOTEL Spare yourself the embarrassment of shopping
downtown for leather chaps and cheerleader outfits.
Just fulfill all of your fantasies at the Madonna
Inn in San Luis Obispo, California. Each of the 109
rooms is designed with a different tacky theme. There's
the romantic (the Anniversary Room), the exotic (the
Safari Room), and the whimsical (the Caveman Room,
with stone walls and a waterfall shower). We encourage
you to try the Yahoo Room. It's a western-themed room
that has--yeeeeehaw!--a wagon-wheeled bed.
- WASHING
MACHINE She'll dig the vibrations when you pop
her up onto the Maytag MAV8600 ($770). At 28 inches
front-to-back, it gives you both plenty of wiggle
room. But the most sex-friendly feature is how the
top of the machine is designed. It's not squared off
like most other top-loaders. The front edge curves
down, which makes it contour perfectly to the back
of her bent legs. Almost as if that's exactly what
it was designed for. Find a dealer at www.maytag.com.
- CAR
WASH The best $4.00 you ever spent. Fill up the
tank then her girl's sweet poon. Warm up while you
wait, then drive in and put it park. You have about
3 minutes of unbridled passion. Make sure you fog
up the windows, otherwise the car behind you will
get a eyeful. Then again, maybe you are exhibitionists.
-
ROOM IN THE HOUSE We like having sex in the
basement--not only because it keeps us close to the
Foosball table and the fuse box, but also because
of the dark stairwell. Try a doggie-style position
with her a few steps above you. Her skin and breasts
will brush against the carpeted steps (she'll like
that). You'll like the strong upward thrusts you have
to make to stay connected.
- ROOM
WHERE YOU CAN HIDE The walk-in closet. If the
door opens in, lean back against it (that'll keep
nosy kids from prying it open). She climbs on top
of you--you can support her weight by holding her
under her thighs or under her arms. If your door opens
out and the kids do find their naked parents, your
alibi is easy and believable. "We're trying on new
clothes."
- ROOM
IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE Our favorite no-getting-caught
spot at a friend's party: the garage. Offer to pick
up more beer, then slip out the garage door. Nobody
will think anything of your being away for 20 minutes,
and you can always hide between the two cars if you
hear someone coming. Tip: Have her wear a short skirt
and no underwear to the party. Quick access makes
it easy for you to get in the situation. And easy
for you to cover it up if necessary.
- LIMOUSINE
The Hummer, of course. More than 25 people can sit
in this customized sport-ute. On some models, you
can hit a switch so the seats turn into beds. Ultra
Coachbuilders in California will build you one of
your own--starting at a paltry $65,500.
- TENT
Your best back-to-nature love shack is the Marmot
Swallow ($340). You'll love the high ceiling, so you
can stand and deliver. Two clear front windows make
it a room with a view--you'll be able to spot Ranger
Rick coming to investigate the caterwauling.
- PART
OF A GOLF COURSE Always go for hole 5, 6, 13,
or 14. They're the farthest from the clubhouse, which
reduces your risk of being caught by gopher-trolling
superintendents. The greens are the softest places,
but you'll want to use a blanket because courses are
usually smothered with pesticides. Try explaining
that to your urologist.
- WATERFALL
After hiking 8 miles into Hawaii's Waimanu Valley,
don't linger on the black-sand beach. A wild-pig trail
leads up-valley through groves of wild guava to postcard-perfect
Waiilikahi Falls. There, you'll see how the water
pulses through a cleft high in the black volcanic
rock, cascading through a hundred tiny rainbows into
a pool that's so dark and seductive you'll probably
need snorkel gear to accomplish what she has in mind.
- TRAIN
Charter your own car through Northern Sky Rail Charters
of Milwaukee. You'll have your own room, chef, and
attendant--and it'll take you anywhere that Amtrak
trains go (except the Northeast corridor). Costs vary,
but for a romantic getaway, at least it's a little
more private than the Times Square shuttle.
- SHOWER
Use your own. Just install the Shower for Two showerhead
by Europa ($47). It extends 2 feet and rotates in
five directions. Turn one stream on your partner to
keep her whole body warm and wet, then direct the
other on her clitoris.
- ELEVATOR "Everybody fantasizes about having sex in an elevator,
and the most common place people make that fantasy
come true is in hotels," says Patricia Love, author
of Hot Monogamy. Still, keeping in mind alarms, video
cameras, and pubescent tattletale bellhops, we'd
prefer
you didn't get snagged. Instead, try a freight elevator.
It won't have an alarm, and you can stop it between
floors for more privacy. One foolproof option for
slipping by undetected: Nurse the fantasy until you
and your partner are helping a buddy move into a
new
apartment. Pack the front and sides of the elevator
with boxes; leave the middle clear.
- RECLINER
After spending a night in a furniture showroom with
50 recliners, our test couple couldn't break away
from two in particular. Action-Lane's Comfort King
Python ($600) is specifically designed as a "big man's
recliner," so it easily supports 350 pounds--100 more
than the average chair. The oversize, cushy padding
gives you plenty of room to lie back while she straddles
you. And hey, it's stain-resistant. See www.action-lane.com.
Dutailier's AvantGlide recliner and ottoman ($400
to $500) is actually a glider--it slides front and
back, not up and down like a rocker. You can sit on
the chair while she rests her hands on the ottoman.
With just a little push, the two of you will be in
automatic motion. The adventurous couple will enjoy
the fact that it swivels 360 degrees. Check www.dutailier.com.
- COLLEGE
CAMPUS With a 55-to-45 female-to-male ratio, Florida
State University is the most promising prospect of
all of The Princeton Review's top-10 party schools.
Think of the tans.
-
BEACH Hawaii's Kalalau Beach in Na Pali Coast
State Park is remote and often empty (no rangers or
lifeguards to worry about). The view is incredible
in all directions: crystal-blue water in front of
you, beautiful green cliffs behind you, a rainbow
above you, your smitten hula dancer below you.
- TUB
We admire the 6-foot-long Czech & Speake Bath
(you can get your very own for $6,600!)--not because
it looks like a classic claw-foot tub, but because
of its design. It's made from two layers of lightweight
resin with an air pocket in between. That acts as
an insulator to keep your water hot, which means
you
can linger in Mr. Bubble all night.
- BEST
CAR Our nostalgic choice: A '05 Cadillac
Deville which has a huge front seat for playing on
the road and a backseat that seats four.
See
also:
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